Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
