haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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