I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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