I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
