weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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