it was like eating out sand paper
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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