how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
