I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize