I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
