I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
