Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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