you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
