If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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