Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
