Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
smell my finger.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
