i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
