Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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