I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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