I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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