If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
