Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
