Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Bring me that man meat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
