Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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