perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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