I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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