I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize