I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize