FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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