I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
