I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
