just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
