Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
