moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
