when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize