After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
