My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
