why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
