My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
