you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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