tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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