I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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