I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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