It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
