I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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