just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
