i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
