I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
