I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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