I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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