sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
