We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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