She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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