Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
