im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
